Haptophobia – Getting in Touch with Intimacy

      by Jinyi (Mint) Edited by "The Linguist"

      a treatise based on the principles of Zhen Yi

An infant deprived of sight or hearing will typically develop into a well-adapted and normal human being. But a child deprived of "touch" will struggle for their very existence and frequently just die.

Touch is the most tangible and essential element in human intimacy, and thus, the fear of it is the most confusing psychological problem related to intimacy. My dear friend, I know and feel your pain, and I invite you on a journey towards healing. Let us walk this path together.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

                The Taxonomy of Touch

                Causes and Classifications of Haptophobia

                Diagnosis and Clinical Treatment

                Pathway to Intimacy

THE TAXONOMY OF TOUCH

Haptophobia has many faces and quite a few names (Aphenphosmphobia, Haphephobia, thixophobia…) The common feature is a fear of being touched.  Maybe you jerk back when somebody tries to hug you, or you are afraid to touch your own genitals, or just feel this contradictory loss of interest whenever you finally manage to find a friend with whom you could have been intimate.

There are general forms of Haptophobia which prevent a person from coming into physical proximity to another person. But an examination of the Cortical Homunculus shows specific brain segments for each part of the body right down to the individual fingers. The allows for very specific pathological forms.

In this article we will focus on the fear of touch to the genitals, but the path set before us in healing of this issue may be valid for a variety of haptophobic disorders.

Even in the narrow confines of genital haptophobia we can see three subcategories:

* Exogenic - afraid that somebody else will touch their genitals

* Endogenic - afraid to touch their own genitals

* Conducive - afraid to touch the genitals of another person

CAUSES AND CLASSIFICATIONS OF HAPTOPHOBIA

Tactile taboo is prevalent in one form or another in virtually every culture on the face of the earth, and yet it can be one of the most damaging forms of psychological oppression. When culture says "don't touch your genitals" it crushes the heart of a person at a very basic instinctual level. Babies rely more on the somatosensory system than on any other form of input. It is fully natural that they play with their genitals. And yet, what awaits them is an almost certain taboo on doing that.

Cultural anathema against masturbation is nearly universal, and though it strengthens the social norms of modesty, it always affects intimacy in a negative way. This is fine as long as the cultural expectations for intimacy are in accord with the "damage" done to intimacy by the taboo. But we live in a global era now. So, people coming from cultures with heightened tactile taboos are thrust into an awkward position in the global social context.

Haptophobia due to sexual abuse has the same result. The social expectations of intimacy cannot be met due to the psychological hesitations of touching genitals.

The good news is that haptophobia tends to be very specific, such as "hands" touching the "genitals". And so, those who suffer this disorder may be able to experience deep sexual feelings by contact with other parts of the body (leg, tongue, stomach) or even the back of one’s hand.

The person who is serving as ‘guide’ to the shy soul should try to determine the cause, or at least the specific nature of the haptophobia. For example, a person who was sexually abused may be able to touch themselves without fear, but unable to allow another to touch them.  Whereas a person who suffered from cultural anathema may find it more difficult to touch themselves in the genitals and are open to the guide touching them.

So, you see, without knowing the specific nature of the haptophobic disorder, we cannot respond with careful avoidance of the sensitive area.

It is best to identify the symptoms verbally before risking a socially damaging action. But you can also sense what hesitations a person might have if they suddenly get "turned off" by a something you say or do.  For example, a person may be increasingly aroused by conversation and sitting close together, but may suddenly pretend to be busy or lose interest if you try to touch their genitals or invite them to touch yours.

Once you have identified the specific nature of the haptophobia, you should give a verbal commitment to avoid the type of touch that makes them uncomfortable. Additionally, it is good to point out that some of the deepest forms of erotic feelings happen in a sapiosexual context, and that arousal without touching with the hands to genitals can be more intense and satisfying than with direct haptosexual sensations.

One might think that avoiding touch only prolongs the problem and postpones the solution, but this is completely untrue. As mentioned in the general introduction to erotophobia, these disorders stem from deep internal issues, and thus the solutions must also come from within.

Forcing someone to "touch" will simply turn off all intimacy and nothing will be achieved. The answer is found in letting the intimacy reach a point where all these internal hesitations seem relatively small in the eyes of the "shy soul". Intimate passion is arguably the most powerful agent of change that a human can experience.

A proper goal is to encourage "safe" intimacy that will lead the "shy soul" to ecstasy (not necessarily orgasm) and to wait for moments when they willingly (and usually expressively) cast off the taboo, and passionately finger themselves or you or allow you to do it to them.  These moments may be rare initially.. The taboo will not "disappear" after the first success.

It is also important to encourage gradual steps.  Once the problem is openly acknowledged the "shy soul" may feel obligated to "show progress", or may feel like they should just subjugate the emotional pain and allow you to touch them. This will NOT end well.  The key is to give ample opportunity for intimate experiences while minimizing the need for "progress".

You might say... "Hey.. how are you feeling? Do you want to sit together? I could sure use a hug - how about you?" Note that initiation by the guide may be helpful because the shy soul is... well, shy. Then you should remove stress with a statement like: "But no touching of the genitals... no need to do that, ok?"  And they might respond with "Well I should face my fear and let you touch me there." At this, you should respond with openness, but minimizing the need.  "Well whatever your heart wants to do… but don't try to hurry that... Maybe it’s better to leave the touching to later."

You might also seek for "steps". Such as touching first with the forearm. Or, if the problem is endogenic, then you could first have them touch only through clothing, and with the palm and not fingers (specifically the fat part at the base of the hand). I have seen some success (I speak from the point of view of the haptophobic person) by taking the hand of my sexual mentor and placing the back of their hand on my genitals.

This article is far from complete, but I hope that it will suffice to introduce you to the primary issues. The main concept to remember is that passion will naturally lead the way, and all forms of mental coercion will hinder the process. First let safe intimate activity open the path to ecstasy, and in the window that it provides you will see the light needed to cross the boundary of touch into a new world of sexual freedom.